3/11/11

hay its me, holder of light, that i may be
but ya today i went to school as usual. than i went on the bus and spoke to madi( ya the awsome one whos arm smells great) lol i didnt get to that part yet =o oh well so we were sitting on the bus and we were talking about smells and so i sniffed her and relized her arm smelled great. haha i got some funnyu looks. so after we got off the bus we went to the book store, we're both abosolute book ffreaks. and we didnt plan to spend 3 hours there but we did haha it was funny. me and her went home i got changed into something a lil' more confy than we walked around town it was fun but i had alot of time to think.

i realized i miss my mom, shes in new orliens for marti graw. ya i dont like her alot but i still ove her and if you love some one you cant help but miss them when their like a bizillion miles away. and i also realized i might be depressed. but i dont wanna be depressed so im gonna fight till the death with it wich hopefuly will turn out in my favor( the good one) like me not dieing so ya... im not willing to take antidepressants and i wont do anything unnatural like drugs or something stupid like theripy or counseling so ya im just gonna try and balance out my energy with more positive efectsts and work trew it but ya thats all for today folks so ill post later peace to the out

Im gonna speak

Alright... so i fight my way to the place i am today and this morning i went to CHALLENGE DAY at school. for those of you who might read this if there is one at your school GO! its fun and its a good way to get ur feelings out. but as i was saying... i fight for who i am and i totaly ruined my bad chick image today. I CRYED!!! of all the things that i could have done i cryed! so ya but it was still fun.
but i realized something to day... no matter how alone we feel we have options. we can live with it and end it with suicide, we can deal with it and find someone like us. cuz we're not always alone there IS ppl just like us just waiting to find someone just like them YOU. so if you were hurt and if your going threw a hard time DON'T do it alone cuz if you do it will be way harder than you want it to be.
i found two ppl today they went threw the same thing as me and are willing to help me. you know whats sad? they were there the whole time! those ppl are my bestfriends CINDY & MADI and i cryed into cidys chest for like 5 min i got makeup on her shirt and probibly a lil' snot to but still she let me and afterwards madi huged me and in all my life i have never had a more meaningful hug. i told them my story and i cryed a lil' more but im not weak for crying im just weak for doing it in public. but i love them and ill forever be greatful of them because with out them... i wouldnt be here to write. i would have cumited suicide or atempted to. they are my world and they are my LIFE they are the only things holding me back for now but soon... hopefuly... i wont need them to hold me back soon... hopefuly... ill be able to do it myself

Shut it N Listen

CAN'T YOU HEAR ME?
I'M SCEAMING FREAKIN BLOODY MURDER!
WHY THE F*** CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGHNS!
COME ON!
JUST SHUT UP AND FREAKIN' LISTEN!